It is said that all things, both good or bad, must come to an end. And so it is with Metal Nightmare. The
time has come to put this webzine to rest. Combined with my first fanzine, Carcharoth, I've done a total
of 35 issues over 15 years. I started when I was 22, and I'll be turning 37 this year. That's a very significant
chunk of my life really. Lately I've been feeling more and more like the current scene is not "my scene," and
that I've become more of one of those "my music is better than your music" type assholes that we all hate. So it seems that
it is time to step aside and make way for the younger blood.
I've seen a lot of changes over the years. The internet was barely born when I started, and email was a rarity, not
something that everyone has. Tape trading (or CD burning) had yet to give way to filesharing, torrent downloads,
and even just your basic mp3. MySpace and Facebook didn't exist, and a lot of the distribution deals that are in place
today weren't around either. Chances are that if you wanted an album from a label that was overseas, you had to send
cold hard cash in the mail and hope that first it got there and then that they wouldn't rip you off. Message boards
weren't all over the place, and the bulletin boards on Usenet became the place to communicate with other metalheads
once the internet got going. I think that might have been the better system. These days, everyone has a message board
and there's just no time to go post or read even a tiny fraction of them.
The format we listen to music on has changed drastically. The cassette tape has virtually disappeared, although some
still do cling to that format. Even now there's the occasional demo tape or album released on tape. Vinyl, once
thought dead has come roaring back in a giant "fuck you" to modern digital media. Even the compact disc is in the
first stages of becoming obsolete. Most albums are recorded digitally, and not in analog format. With more people
having access to software like ProTools or building their own home studio, some of the "quality control" in the
scene has gone right out the window. On the other hand, it does seem that the days of bands recording a rehearsal,
pressing it at home onto CDR and then selling it as a "demo' are over.
Music itself has gone through some serious changes as to what's popular. When I started a zine, death metal was just
starting to give way to black metal over here in the States. Then we suddenly saw a death metal resurgence a few years
later with bands like ANGEL CORPSE or NILE, while black metal turned into the overblown-past-its-prime-monstrosity that it has
become today. Thrash metal has come back in a big way, whether you like it or not. Even just plain old traditional
heavy metal is being heard again. And of course there's been the recent revival of "old school" death metal with
bands such as LIE IN RUINS, MIASMAL and DEAD CONGREGATION. It's a little ironic that as the music that got me into this
whole thing is coming back, that I'm retiring. But it's as simple as this: This is the music that became my religion when I was
just a fan, and this is the perfect time to go back to being simply a fan where I don't have to put everything under the microscope
for analysis. I can just enjoy the music.
I've seen and done a lot of things over these last fifteen years, things that would never have happened if I hadn't
starting the zine thing. I've talked in person with Eric Adams of MANOWAR twice. I've sat down with Dave Lombardo
and talked about his career with barely a mention of SLAYER. I've hung out with Tomas Lindberg and talked with him
about our mutual appreciation of NEUROSIS. Probably the two biggest things that stand out in my mind as far as in-person
interviews go would be the ones I did with Ronnie James Dio and Dave Murray of IRON MAIDEN. It still blows my mind that
a dumb schmuck like me could be granted the privilege of talking to legends like them. Then there were the phone
interviews, like with Quorthon of BATHORY and Chuck Schuldiner of DEATH. To have been able to talk to both of these
men on the phone and express my appreciation directly to them for the music they have given us is something that I
still think of as really special. ... Even moreso now that both of them are no longer with us. But that's really what
it's all about to me. I've been able to say a lot of artists that, "Hey, I really like what you do," and whether
I've done it in person, on the phone, or through letters and email, it's something that I'm glad I've had the chance
to do. And oddly enough, I've had people say the same thing to me in return. Hearing that people like what you do makes doing
it worthwhile.
I've made a lot of friends over these years and have some cool memories of things. King Fowley of DECEASED and I bonded
together during that first phone interview I did with him, and we still talk even to this day. I got to write for Marco
Barbieri's much missed Ill Literature zine. I recall hanging out with people like Paula Hogan at the Metal Blade 15th
anniversary party. Or laughing along with a group as Ula Gehret recalled some obscure details about a BLIND GUARDIAN album.
I had the honor of interviewing Abaddon of VENOM for the 1997 Milwaukee Metalfest program guide. I got to attend a surprise
birthday party for Dani Filth of CRADLE OF FILTH at that same Metalfest. I still remember the tombstone-shaped cake with the
slate gray frosting. Then there's the people I lost contact with over the years. Anyone know what Matt Harvey (EXHUMED) is
up to these days? My wife and I still get a laugh out of him offering to have EXHUMED play at our wedding. We declined, but
it would have been hysterical to see them up there on stage in tuxedos. There was the failed "Circle of the Tyrants" review
group that Hart "Blackgoat" Opyros tried to put together. We're still good friends to this day (with a mutual respect for what
the other has done -- I hope) even though we've only ever communicated in email, AIM, or through message boards. Or taking on Roberto
Lizarraga of INFINITUM OBSCURE in a metal trivia game at a party. I think I won, but not by much. And lest I forget, there was the sheer joy
of headbanging to Bolt Thrower (after a 15 year wait for another US gig) at the 2009 Maryland Deathfest with Liz and Dave Brenner of Earsplit PR,
Colin Conway of Neptune mag from ages ago, and "Morbid" Mario Junco. Man... his friendship dates back to the days of the Unholy Metal
chatroom on AOL. If you remember that... you're fucking old.
There have been lots of other good people too. I'd like to thank Norm Leggio and the much missed Blue Meannie Records, the guys at Dark Realm and Dark Horizon Records
among others for letting me distribute the zine when it was printed through them. Also my friends Tony Eastman and Goetz Vogelsang. Tony's always
been a great guy to just bullshit with, and I don't see him often enough these days. As for Goetz, you may recognize the name as the head honcho
of DEATHEVOKATION. I've known him since 1997 or so, and he used to contribute to the mag back in the print days. He and his family have since
left San Diego for North Carolina, and his presence is greatly missed. I hope to see you at the 2010 edition of the Maryland Deathfest, sir Bombenhagel.
You're not just a brother of metal, you're the brother I wish I'd had. First beers are on me.
Three other people I need to mention here too. First is a lost friend named Jerico Radoc. I met Jerry at UCSD back at the end of 1993 or start of 1994, and started
helping him out with his weekly radio show on the campus station, KSDT. I don't know about these days, but at the time it was a cable-only station. Cable radio?
Yeah, don't ask. I ended up giving the show a name: Khaos DT. Sort of a take on SEPULTURA's Chaos AD album and the station's name. There are people
in this world that you meet, and your life takes a direction it never would have gone in otherwise. Jerry was one of those people. It was through him that I met
the guys who talked me into starting a zine in the first place. As things go, Jerry and I fell out of touch between 1996 and 1997. I bumped into him several years
later, and that was the last time I saw him. He sadly passed away in January of 2005. How I found out about his death is a bit of a story in itself, which I'll
share with you. Jerry was a big fan of Michael Moorcock's books, especially those of Elric. So besides turning me on to bands like NEUROSIS or MY DYING BRIDE, he
also got me into Elric, which also led to my liking of Moorcock's other characters Hawkmoon and Corum. Mr. Moorcock released a final trilogy that involved some of
the characters from his "Eternal Champion" tales, and the final one of these was not only dedicated to Jerry, but also included a cat with Jerry's given name, Jerico.
Obviously, when I read the dedication I wondered if the person named was in fact my friend, and a quick internet search revealed that sadly, it was. As it turns out,
Jerry was a very well-known and well-liked contributor to the official Michael Moorcock forum on the internet, and I just recently posted a message there with my memories
of him as well as my gratitude towards Mr. Moorcock for not only dedicating a book to my friend, but for naming a character for him. As I made the decision to
end this zine, Jerry's been on my mind a lot and I wish I had not lost touch with him and had been able to say goodbye properly. Jerry, wherever you are, thank you
for the friendship and for being one of the people who put me on this path I've been on for the last fifteen years. I'll see you on the other side someday.
The most important people I'd like to say something about are my wife, Sara and my daughter Elizabeth. Sara and I met in 2000 and at the time she had no idea what
she was about to get herself into. The underground? She'd never heard of it. Heavy metal? No thanks. But somehow or another, we clicked and the rest is history.
Since then, she's gained a big liking for MOTORHEAD (yet still hates AC/DC, go figure). She still may not understand this whole thing, but she's put up with both it and
me for nine years and change now. Still, I think she's going to be very glad that I'll be coming up out of the dark dungeon that is the office where I've written these
pages over the last several years. Elizabeth will be turning three very soon, and while she's too young now to know or appreciate this labor of love of mine, I'm hoping that some day
she finds a passion like this and makes it her own. Maybe not in music, but in something that becomes very close to her heart.
So yeah, I've seen and done a lot of stuff over these last years, but over time my heart has just been less and less into the
whole thing. When something like this becomes more like work than fun, it's time to quit. Looking at the four interviews
in this issue, I'd say they're all great ones to go out with. At long last I've gotten to feature one of my favorite old bands,
UNANIMATED. Then there's the piece with the legendary Kam "The Tyrant" Lee on one of his current bands, BONE GNAWER. To me, he's always been one of the top vocalists
in death metal. There's a lot of people out there who would do well to emulate his style rather than what Chris Barnes did on CANNIBAL
CORPSE's Tomb of the Mutilated. Next, we have BLOOD MORTIZED, a new band with some old heads in it. These guys have
taken me straight back to 1990 and 1991 and have a sound that is exactly the reason I fell in love with the death metal genre in the
first place. Finally is the mighty ASPHYX. You really didn't think that I was going to let this zine come to an end without one final interview
with them, did you?
And so, as this headbanger writes these words, I wonder if the "retire for five years and come back
bigger than ever" phenomenon applies to writers as well as bands. Both EMPEROR and IMMORTAL took a few years off and then came back
to headline some of Europe's biggest festivals. So maybe I'll come out of hibernation in five years and find Rolling Stone knocking
on my door wanting to hire me for an ongoing metal column. But until then, this will be the end of my career. ... Unless of course there's
anyone out there looking for a (very) part-time contributor and don't mind a super opinionated asshole with an overactive bullshit detector
writing for them?
Here's to you for reading this zine for all these years and giving a damn about what I had to say. Cheers!!
